he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
True college students do jello shots in the library
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