I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
