I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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