He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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