Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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