what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
