shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
not ubering you a puppy
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