I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
