I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
