You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
