Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
