You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
