he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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