You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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