We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I love you.
Bad choice
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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