I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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