It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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