I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
