I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
