wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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