would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
