He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
