I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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