Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
