It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
