I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
