You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
