just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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