We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
