at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
