Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
