plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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