"it" just moved
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
