"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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