Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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