If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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