can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize