I wish I could punch you in the face.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
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We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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