I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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