And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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