His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
