dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dear god my vagina.
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