You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
