Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
