I just cut my nipple shaving
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
