i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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