just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
