guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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