She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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