I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
