I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
