It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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