I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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