i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
