no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
