I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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