nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
honey bunches of taint.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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