haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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