Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
