i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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