I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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