dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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