When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
