i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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