There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
