The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
