He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
