Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
