dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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