Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
