your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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