I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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