If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
