So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
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Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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