What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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