and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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