my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
