i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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