hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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