I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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