i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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