i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
