Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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