I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
